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Happy Birthday to me. On November 3, 2016 I admitted myself into Adcare hospital in Worcester, Massachusetts. For 10 days prior I did nothing but drink alcohol from the moment I got up until I went to sleep. I had to our my heart would have stopped. I would roll out of bed in the morning sick as a dog vomiting hanging over my toilet. Praying to God that I could just die. After about an hour and a half, if I didn’t have something to drink, I thought that I was going to stop breathing. They said I was one of the worst cases of alcoholism they had seen all year at the hospital. By the time I arrived my blood pressure was so high they thought I was going to have a stroke. So they induced me into a coma to save my life for the next three days and I don’t remember a thing. It was like like being dead. When I woke up I laid in bed knowing that my life had to change or I would commit suicide.
 
I was so ashamed, so embarrassed, and so angry. Why would anybody hate themselves so much that they would slowly poison themselves until they bled out of their mouth, eyes, and ears? Slowly shut down their heart and lungs. I’m telling you, there is no more shameful way to die than being an alcoholic. When the effects of the alcohol wore off, which took about a week, I experienced the most excruciating pain I ever have felt in my entire life. My chronic pain hit me like never before. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t bend over. I couldn’t sit down. It was like I had been stabbed by a butcher knife all over my body. My skin hurt. The rest of 2016 I hid from the world. I laid in my bed for 90 days with everything sealed shut. No Internet. All I did was take clients to pay my bills and the rest of the time I was in my bed.
 
Everything I thought was important I didn't give a fuck about anymore. I didn’t give a fuck about being a vegan, I ate whenever I needed to. I decided I was going to either live my life or die, and I wasn’t ready to die yet. Getting the alcohol out of your system and surviving alcohol poisoning is the easy part. If you’re going to get sober you have to realize that you have to live your life without alcohol, forever. alcohol became its own entity, its own demon that had taken control over me. When you decide that you have to stop drinking you have to put it down and you have to walk away from it. You can never look back. You can’t even allow that idea I thought to come into your head or it’s over for you. I wanted to offer some suggestions if you’re trying to quit drinking that helped me.
 
Ice cream. I was a health fanatic for years, a vegan for a while, and everything else. Sugar free. One night after I had quit drinking I was laying in bed and I needed to be comforted. I felt like shit. I asked myself what I could do to make myself feel better just temporarily and my body told me it wanted some ice cream. So I got my ass up, went to the store, and bought some Ben & Jerry’s. I hadn’t eaten Ben & Jerry’s in about 10 years. I ate the whole damn thing! And guess what? I felt great. So I decided if I was upset and I needed some treat to perk me up I was not going to deny myself the right to have some ice cream. And I’ve been eating ice cream ever since, whenever I want. If I’m a little strung out I’ll eat some ice cream. Coffee or mint chocolate chip. The other thing you have to do is prioritize yourself first. Don’t listen to anybody else. Don’t listen to somebody from aAA who wants you to go to meetings. Don’t listen to your mother. Don’t listen to anybody else except yourself and do what you need to do to. I never went to one AA meeting. And I never will because I don’t like them as an organization. I don’t think you need anyone to help you get sober. You can do it on your own. I did. I drank my first wine cooler when I was 6 years old. And I drank until I was 36. Thirty fucking years in slaved. The point is do what you need to do.
 
What have been the benefits? I know I’ve done a lot of damage to my brain. When I wake up in the mornings I don’t have hangovers that’s amazing! I don’t have a fear of some evil entity gripping me around the throat driving me to pick up a drink... or else. I saved so much money! I cannot believe how much money I saved by quitting drinking, and smoking. I opened 4 businesses in three years from the money I saved not drinking. I have peace of mind. Your body will heal it just takes time.
 
The hardest part though, is having to live your life sober when the shit hits the fan. That happened to me 2018. I suffered a lot of loss in 2018 and 19 and it was really difficult but not once I thought about picking up a drink. I also have to thank cannabis. Yes I do use medical marijuana. I decided I was going to try it because of my chronic pain and I use that instead of any kind of painkillers. I eat gummy‘s and I use all kinds of cannabis body products that I make for myself. Marijuana is not an addictive plant although it is habit forming. If I would not have started using cannabis, there’s a potential that I might have picked up a drink again. So cannabis has saved me, prayer and meditation has saved me, Yoga has saved me, God and my spirits have saved me. That brings me to my last point.
 
God exist to me. The world of spirits exist to me. And it’s my belief that my holy guardian angel, and my spirit guides, who have walked with me through these trials and tribulations held me and carried me over the finish line many times. I want thank God for those good entities that walk with me. I thank the council my ancestors.
 
I thank all of my close friends that have been so kind to me and have helped me. Chris and Bob I love you guys so much. If it were not for your help this past year I would be on the street. Thank you for opening your homes. You saved me. I also want to thank Chuck for being there for me and opening his home. And of course to my Colin, thank you.  I am so lucky, I'm the luckiest person you will ever meet. You have to believe in your heart of hearts that things do get better. The best thing you could possibly do for yourself, if you drink, is quit. I thank everybody so much for reading this post thank you for being my Facebook friends. I hope some of the suggestions help. I’m not going to stop I’m just going to keep going. I have so much work to do.
 
Only powered by the Holy Spirit! Have a great day.